Day One

First day being a farmer!  I really enjoyed it!  Got to milk cows, wrangle two pigs for a pig roast, and played in the vegetable garden!  Oh, does it beat a cubicle and a computer.  

I am looking forward to the next few months!  

Bleeding Blue

Using this lazy day to turn some frozen Jersey blueberries into frozen blueberry scones.  I like having scones on standby in the freezer- they're easy and quick to toast up, they're not too sweet, but not savory.  A perfect offering to an unexpected visitor.  And yes, people are always amazed when they stop by and I can offer them a warm scone with butter.

It is humid as hell today.  So humid, the leaves are starting to cry on this Labor Day.  It's almost bittersweet an overcast, muggy, hot Labor Day.  It urges you to almost be thankful summer and its weather are on the way out while the crispness of fall is around the corner.  There are good and bad sides to everything, seasons included.

My stint as a farmer

It all starts tomorrow.  I will be interning at Bobolink Dairy and Bakehouse.  I am hoping to be able to try doing a little of everything from milking cows to making bread and cheese to caring for the pigs and working in the pasture.  It is so beautiful on their land and I am looking forward to busy days in such a natural place.  It is such a welcome sight after thinking walking into an artificially lit sea of cubicles would constitute my place of work for the foreseeable future.  

In usual fashion I have apprehensions about the whole thing.  And while I am looking and have applied to paying office jobs, part of me feels guilt for gala anything around a farm for a few months.  Right now I need to be bringing money to be able to build the life I want.  Also, I watched a YouTube video a friend posted on Facebook.  It was titled Why I Hate School But Love Education and the theme was why school? Why exams? Why not just learn?  While I do believe conventional education is pretty antiquated because of all people with their hand in the pot aka the Education Industrial Complex, his conclusion resonated with me.  To paraphrase he said- if you don't work to build your dreams, someone else will hire you to help build theirs.  

This only seemed to support my previous thinking after dealing with the owners of the farm regarding the details of my internship.  The when and how long.  After suggesting 5 days/wk which he scoffed at and said, oh part time I conceded to doing 6 days/wk.  Also, I have a trip planned to visit my sister in Miami in Nov which seemed to be an inconvenience to them as we'll as the fact that I agreed to interning through the end of the year, but we go to FL for Christmas, so I would stop like the 21st.  Oh, she said, well that's when we get busy, but I guess we can swing that.  Like what? I am interning with you and you expect me to be shoveling shit on Christmas morning? It put it all in perspective for me- their intern program is their business model.  I'm building their dream of having this great farm and not have to do all the chores.  

I want to build my own dream(s).  If it was my farm and my family lived on the property with me, you bet I'd be tending the cows before we opened gifts on Christmas Day, after all I totally understand that to farm is to dedicate your life and animals don't stop living on holidays or weekends.  In the meantime, though, as an intern, I want to learn from you, not be free labor.  Here's to growing up and realizing that anyone will take advantage of you if you let them.

Rainy day here

Matt had his first day back at the school he teaches at.  Of course, it was teachers only, but he came home in the afternoon ecstatic about the year to come.  His eyes lit up as he explained a curriculum he worked on with a fellow teacher and his voice raised in passion as he described the usual baby-boomer crowd of teachers that continue to return with only a paycheck in mind.  I as utterly jealous.  I hate the jealousy I feel toward him for otherwise falling into the teaching profession.  At the end of his recount of the day, he asked me if I was excited about getting into teaching?

Questions like this bother me even more.  With a look of despair on my face, Im sure, I again explained to him that its not that I am not ready for this world, this world just isnt ready for me.  I assured him I would be a willing teacher and just like most things one minute I am equally as hopeful for the professional future I might have, but then the rain comes down.  It will not be easy to get a teaching job in this state.  I am beginning to think it doesnt even matter where.  I am thinking that the teaching job market in NJ is more static that any other.  Besides maybe the governor, who only gets hired once every 4 years.  It brings me down so quickly, all of these negative thoughts.  I would love to get back into the role I was in during my year with Paterson public schools.  The question I have not answered is will I be bale to get a job?

I envy Matthew and his love of his job and how he has mentioned more than ten times this month how much he is looking forward to going back to school.  I have not felt that way about a job in a LONG time.  In fact, I usually have dreaded returning on a Monday.  Maybe this is the idea of a summer off?  It gets you wanting to return to routine, a job, your career.  I wonder why more industries do not offer this kind of break- imagine if they did?  I am sure people would just be so much happier and motivated to go to work. 

My teacher dreams will not be realized in less than a year, if at all.  Thats a hill I am mentally climbing most days as summer comes to an end, Matt goes off to his dream job, and I feel more down than ever.

Reminds me of that song...

...waitin' on the world to change

http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2013/08/the-outsiders-how-can-millennials-change-washington-if-they-hate-it/278920/

An apple a day keeps the prescriber away?

Photo courtesy of Normanrockwell.com

We were having a conversation the other day in regards to a baby that was brought to the doctor recently.  It was family and as their first born, thy succumbed after continuous crying and discomfort that only parents could recognize in an 8 mo old.  Upon diagnosis, which naturally took 5 minutes, an antibiotic was prescribed for an ear infection.  Apparently the father was a bit peeved at the overly quick time they had with the doctor (knowing a large bill would still come their way I'm sure) but more importantly, the frustration was that there was no other alternative given.  You go to an expert for information.  What is it? What causes it?  Can I treat it cheaply at home?  Should I let the kid try to fight it?  Is it deadly?  

Doctors are no longer doctors.  This came to me when a member of the conversation said you don't bring a baby to a doctor and then get mad when they diagnose and abruptly prescribe a conventional treatment.  He was exactly right.  Doctors are prescribers.  The generations before us have turned them into this with the help of sales reps.  Give me the quick fix!  I saw the commercial on tv doc, just give me the little paper to go to the pharmacy with.  I commend my brother in law for questioning the prescriber.  However, it is clear now what to expect.  In my opinion, look it up online.  If you're going through it, trust me, someone else has to ( and they've blogged about it).  

I see it in my sister as well who is en route to be an MD.  Much kudos to her for doing this, however, she's quick to pop a pill.   More so than I ever remember.  I suppose they're taught it's a simple manipulation of this chemical v that chemical and just blocking this enzyme or whatever.  It's sad.  What happened to "the kids sick, give him 2 days, rest, water, and chicken soup."  Oh right, Campbell's condensed is just as harmful so that would backfire.

I try to remember as I'm bombarded daily with medical headlines, new diets, the evils of alcohol, and the benefits of coffee that doctors are not masters of human science, they're masters of the LATEST human science.  After all, it was a doctor who advised my grandma that smoking while pregnant was fine and naturally she had a cigarette in her mouth during labor with both of her children.  

5 stars

A fascinating journey by Schwartz all starting with a desire to answer the question- is our current economic model sustainable?  Truly enlightening and answers some of the most frustrating questions about how to heal the planet through food choices.  The book really highlights the big picture and the relationship between the natural environment and everything (and everyone) else.

Blue moon, blue sky, blue sea

With Matts parents in town, his mom wanted to see the forecasted full moon come over the horizon at the beach.  We had a great day and dinner consisted of cheeses and breads with wine of course.  Because the days were sort of hot and humid, the haze clouded out the horizon.  However, as the moon rose, we could see it better.  Some called it a blue moon, but it wasnt so much for us!

However, it was stunning.  One of the moments that make you so happy to be alive. 

My __ and ___ buttons are broken

As you may have noticed, the laptop I use to blog here and the only one we currently have has a broken keyboard and the semicolon and apostrophe are broken.

Sorry grammar freaks!

A day at Bobolink

I am interested in getting my feet wet when it comes to farming.  I applied for an internship at Bobolink Dairy Bakehouse here in NJ.  It is out, in Milford, NJ which borders the Delaware River.  I went on an interview there a week and a half ago and they invited me out for a day to trail this past Wednesday.  I was there at 8am in a nice sized, but overly cluttered farmhouse kitchen.  Interns (currently 3) were finishing up breakfast and starting to put their boots on while espresso was being maid and raw milk poured. 

It is a truly inspiring place, this kitchen.  It is filled with a vast array of containers of white liquid- some mix of milk and whatever other substances were poured in as they were explained to me as experiments.  As a renegade myself, I laughed to myself as I have been known to perform experiments of my own- usually to Matts demise.

We started by walking up the hill to fetch the cows with their Australian Shepard, Bridgett.  She did a great job of instinctively going around the herd to force them back down the hill to the barn.  It did not take much however and many of the cows, happy to go on about the routine like most animals, walked down the hill without much bark or bite.  And like any good herding animal the cows just follow the leader and went down to the barnyard where they waited to be milked 4 at a time.    

In the meantime, we (Jonathan and I) walked up to the back 40 to check out the job we would tackle- rearranging electric fence around a pasture that was ready to be grazed.  It was beautiful out there.  We went back to the yard to get supplies, the car, and also check on the whey pump that allowed for the whey left over from cheese making to be brought right to the pig pen.  Pigs love whey and in fact besides the natural forage, this is ALL the farm feeds the pigs.  Indeed, anyone who has bought prosciutto de parma along with parmigiana reggiano has witnessed the natural (yet, man influenced) symbiosis of cheesemaking and raising pork.

After morning chores of brush-hogging and fencing, we had lunch of left over cold bulgogi with cucumber salad, beet and tomato salad, and corn and pepper salad.  All incredibly light and delicious, and oh so appropriate for this kitchen that was so far from the granite and glass tile laden $70k kitchens of today, yet undoubtedly produced more delicious and enticing dishes then most.

Later on I helped shovel the milk parlor of any cow pies, fed stale bread to the chickens, and went on to do some more fencing until around 4pm.  It was a hot day up to the low 90s and I loved working in the fields. 

It was such a fulfilling day and I couldnt help but to compare it to my days wasted in a cubicle.  It was so alive- the swallows swooping over the fields poaching bugs, the hawks flying in between the trees, the millions of insects fluttering from clover flowers to the other wild flowers.  It was so harmonious.

I hope to intern this fall.  I think it would be good for me, who has read most books on the subject and needs to put my mind at ease regarding a farm as a career.

In my experiences, we have too many of the former out there.  Its easy to sit behind a desk.  To go through IT with you team- leading the way is the only way to lead a group to success, if not victory.  Heres to more leaders in this world.

Conventional Education v Innate Creativity

Hummingbird sighting!

This is the 3rd time this year and the 3rd time in my life.  I tell Matt and others I have never seen one before (theyre incredible rare right?) but I am afraid I have never slowed down enough to notice.  They move more like insects through the air than any bird.  I think any animal so elusive becomes just as amazing.  Perhaps like a unicorn. 

For the first time in my life, I feel like I can slow down and its okay.  I think when all you have is nights and weekends (and perhaps 10 vacation days) not indebted to someone else, you feel the need to GO!  Whether in line at the grocery store or waiting at a red light or even when youre on vacation.  I admit, its a great feeling- a feeling of contentment.  I am not saying it is my mission in life to do absolutely nothing and therefore have an abundance of truly FREE time on my hands, but why cant more people feel this way.  Perhaps we would all be better off if we didnt feel rushed?

Anyway, I am enjoying seeing the hummingbirds.

Me once upon a time

Without Embarrassment

Each of us has the right and the responsibility to assess the roads which lie ahead, and those over which we have traveled, and if the future road looms ominous or unpromising, and the roads back uninviting, then we need to gather our resolve and, carrying only the necessary baggage, step off that road into another direction.  If the new choice is also unpalatable, without embarrassment, we must be ready to change that as well.

- Maya Angelou, Wouldnt Take Nothing for My Journey Now



I love this.  It comforts me as I try to find my path.  

Smack, kick

I went to school early on, back when I had NO idea what I wanted to get out of my time here.  Not to mention, what I wanted to do for a living.  I simply did not understand the magnitude of the word career.

After many drunk nights, worth-while classes, some mean professors, and too many tearful moments in the bursars office, I made it out.  $62,667.94 in debt.  The worst kind of debt- uneducated debt.  I thought I would get a job, thought I would make the money to pay the loans.  Was I wrong.  I applied to jobs for 2 months and the week before the 4th of July I saw an ad on craigslist for AmeriCorps volunteers in Paterson, NJ.  I had nothing else to do, emailed a resume, and got a call.  Met with them and signed up for a year making some $300 every 2 weeks.  Thankfully, as my debt came due, my mother chipped in the $278/mo (only one was due after 6 mos of being graduated- the others a year).  2009 was a tough year- one that truly tested my notions of what adulthood would be.  That was just the beginning.

I worked in Paterson for a year, and stories of that time will be told on here.  After that I got a job in pharmaceutical customer service.  It was close, paid US dollars, and my moms friend got me an interview followed by an offer.  Of course it was $14/hr temp job- no vacation, no holidays, limited benefits.  I was thrilled. 

Fast forward 12 months of horrible phone calls, mad patients, frustrated nurses, and resentful doctors, and I wanted OUT badly.  I got a job with another division of this company.  Temp to perm with much better pay.  Ok, I thought.  Within 6 weeks I was hired on full time and worked there until I could no longer take the toxic culture of the company. 

In March of this year, I got a contractor job with a division of that huge company that makes everyones favorite baby shampoo.  It was going to be great- managers seemed great, still only an 8 minute commute and a $10k bump in pay. 

3 months later, at the end of June I was let go, being told my position was eliminated.  I could not believe it.  They flew me out to OH for training and everything- what happened?  Anyway, these questions did not last long- I was happy.  I was excited for this new path that was being carved out for me (or I was carving out for myself?).  I was done with pharma, corporate, cubicles, and wasted days.  Plus my last day was July 5th- I had a summer off- I did not think that was going to happen again until I retired.  Low and behold, we were in Montauk for the day and I check my emails while on a bike ride.  My old boss. 

Hello Tim,

I have tried calling you a couple of times – Friday late afternoon and today. Unfortunately, the answering service for the number below is way smarter than I am!

I am emailing to see if you would be interested in coming back to your roll on a full-time, temp basis. Starting as soon as next week, August 19^th at the latest, and going through the end of the year.  I cannot guarantee that we would have a position for you in January 2014.

First, I hope you have found something else you enjoy.  Second, I respectfully understand if you are not interested in returning. 

If want to discuss the why’s and what’s of the change, please feel free to call me. Unfortunately, I need  to know if you are interested by early afternoon today.

Sorry for the short notice!

We stopped, we talked, we decided I would go back.  Within 24 hours and after one job offer, they changed to it to be working for another vendor (consulting company) and I would be freelance.  aka the bottom of the bottom.  I countered their offer and they would not do it. 

I was back on my path to happiness.

Oh, and J&J has been doing just fine- http://www.jnj.com/news/financial/johnson-and-johnson-reports-2013-second-quarter-results

lee·ward

Noun

The side sheltered or away from the wind