Rainy day here

Matt had his first day back at the school he teaches at.  Of course, it was teachers only, but he came home in the afternoon ecstatic about the year to come.  His eyes lit up as he explained a curriculum he worked on with a fellow teacher and his voice raised in passion as he described the usual baby-boomer crowd of teachers that continue to return with only a paycheck in mind.  I as utterly jealous.  I hate the jealousy I feel toward him for otherwise falling into the teaching profession.  At the end of his recount of the day, he asked me if I was excited about getting into teaching?

Questions like this bother me even more.  With a look of despair on my face, Im sure, I again explained to him that its not that I am not ready for this world, this world just isnt ready for me.  I assured him I would be a willing teacher and just like most things one minute I am equally as hopeful for the professional future I might have, but then the rain comes down.  It will not be easy to get a teaching job in this state.  I am beginning to think it doesnt even matter where.  I am thinking that the teaching job market in NJ is more static that any other.  Besides maybe the governor, who only gets hired once every 4 years.  It brings me down so quickly, all of these negative thoughts.  I would love to get back into the role I was in during my year with Paterson public schools.  The question I have not answered is will I be bale to get a job?

I envy Matthew and his love of his job and how he has mentioned more than ten times this month how much he is looking forward to going back to school.  I have not felt that way about a job in a LONG time.  In fact, I usually have dreaded returning on a Monday.  Maybe this is the idea of a summer off?  It gets you wanting to return to routine, a job, your career.  I wonder why more industries do not offer this kind of break- imagine if they did?  I am sure people would just be so much happier and motivated to go to work. 

My teacher dreams will not be realized in less than a year, if at all.  Thats a hill I am mentally climbing most days as summer comes to an end, Matt goes off to his dream job, and I feel more down than ever.